match day.

CASPR MATCH ANNOUNCEMENT:

the ultimate day for any medical student is to see where they match for residency. or if they match for residency.

there has been so much happening in the davidson household over the past two months. between figuring out how to take care of our little ella rose and trying to predict and plan where residency is going to take us, there is no time for the computer.

match is SO stressful. 

after jumping over the hurdle of passing three sets of boards & surviving interview week, then there is match. 

if you don't match, you have to wait a whole year to try again - with no job & student loan payments on a couple hundred grand. and then you enter the match pool with next year's class, trying to explain to programs why you didn't succeed in the prior year, which snowballs the shortage. basically there is a shortage of residency positions. in round numbers, about half of those 100 students who scramble this year in the US will not get a residency. there are about 500 students total trying to match. with those odds, it is imperative that the students choose the right programs in their "league" in which to pursue so that they have the best chance of being chosen by that program for an open position. each program has between one and four open spots.

this was jack's greatest question mark: what were the right programs for him? where would he be the best fit? 

his number one choice, was of course, scripps mercy in san diego. the only problem for us was that it is an extremely competitive program. just a few of the reasons everyone wants it is because it's:

• on the west coast {better chance of getting a job on the west coast after residency}
• at a high powered hospital with a stellar reputation
• has an amazing residency director and team
• three of the four positions offer their third year at a kaiser {top training and networking}
• ...and let's be honest... is in san diego.

something that sweetened the deal even further for us is that jack is born and raised in san diego. all of his family is there. it's where we met and fell in love.

we basically accepted that we wouldn't get this spot because it is so sought after by the top students in the country. we figured out that the stars didn't align to be matched in washington state near my family {sob}, and the chances of him getting a place in san diego were just way too competitive to get excited about. instead of being picky & spoiled by counting on the perfect program near family in a place we wanted to live, we shifted our focus to getting the best program we could with great training - location aside. it was just three years, right?

fast forward to the morning of match. we decided to make a morning of it and head to our little pinecone cafe up the street to log in and see where we were going. of course it's like a clown car to get all of us out of the house in the morning. had to time changing & feeding ella with her morning nap, get myself ready, and her carseat & bag together...well, we finally got to the cafe at 8am {match announcements are at 8...we planned to be there a half hour earlier to get settled and connected to internet}. of course, we sit down and get no cell reception on the ipad. then our phones weren't getting bars of service either and the wifi was down. ughhhH! we were about to leave and finally we got enough cell phone bars on my iphone and logged in. our hearts were pounding in our chests. jack made me click on the match tab and there it was:

ahhhhh!!! tears of joy. jack had me log in and out a few times to make sure it wasn't a mistake. suddenly all the worries of a cross country move to a place with no network melted away. it started sinking in that jack got matched at one of the most coveted residencies in the country! we are still pinching ourselves two days later!! GOD IS SO GOOD you guys!

{family portrait right after we read the results. we were too crazy excited to get out of the house for makeup or to get dressed! ella was so excited, she fell asleep haha.}

we are going back to san diego!! ella and i will have jack's family while jack is sooo busy at the hospital. we have a church with a network of new christian moms and their babies. our third year will be at the kaiser in ontario/fontana. we will move about two hours northeast of san diego and that will be a super fun adventure, too!

we are so thankful for our supportive friends and family through this process. i'm really sad to be leaving my wa family, but i know this is God's plan for us. we did a lot of praying for His will and plan for our family and this is where He lead us. He opened doors that we thought could never be opened.

ok, ella is awake! gotta go feed my little biscuit!

birth story.

ella rose davidson joined us a month earlier than we expected her. 

she was nameless up until the moment we were discharged from our five day hospital stay, when we had to turn in the birth certificate paperwork. now we see that no other name would suit her and i'm glad we waited to settle on something until we met her.

having her a month early was absolutely terrifying, especially since we didn't have any idea if something serious was wrong with her or me.

but, she is perfect. and here is the story:

{tmi warning: i do mention the word 'cervix'}

i had a routine ultrasound and doctor's appointment scheduled for my 36 week milestone. for some reason, i just really felt i needed jack to go with me. he was able to arrange it with his rotation to take the morning off and come with me. the day before the appointment, my doctor's office called and said their ultrasound machine was broken and they asked if they could reschedule for the following week. since jack had already arranged the time off, and he started a new rotation the following monday {i didn't want him to ask for time off on a new rotation}, i asked if they could please find us an appointment at another location on the same day where we could just send the results to my doctor. after all day back and forth on the phone, they found an appointment for us at an alternative imaging center for the original date. yay!

  we had my doctor's appointment first thing in the morning. nothing out of the ordinary, just a few paranoid pregnancy questions for my doctor. he said he would read the results of the ultrasound, and we probably wouldn't hear anything from him right away if all looked normal. we could go over the results at the following week's appointment. we were in and out in 15 minutes.

we headed over to the imaging center for our ultrasound. the tech mentioned that my doctor had ordered a biophysical profile, which is an analysis in addition to the routine sizing ultrasound normally done at 36 weeks. she asked us if we knew why he had ordered this. i had no idea. up until that point, i was told by everyone that my pregnancy was totally healthy, one hundred percent normal, no news was good news. she said there was a note on the order that said my baby was "measuring big." the results of the routine ultrasound estimated her to be measuring a week ahead {37 weeks} and 6 lbs plus or minus a pound. i had heard that these ultrasound estimates are wildly inaccurate. nothing to worry about and my doctor probably wouldn't even change my due date.

well, jack and i were normal giddy parents through the ultrasound, being totally ridiculous and just marveling at her perfect little spine and feet and all the little movements on the screen. the tech was being really quiet. i just chalked it up to the fact that techs aren't really supposed to say much about what they find. she asked if i was feeling the baby move a lot today. once i thought about it, the baby really hadn't been moving much that morning. i thought maybe it was because it had been so long since i had breakfast. or maybe i was dehydrated. hmm. anyway, the tech went back to her measuring, saying "well, we have 15 minutes left. ok, ten minutes left. huh. ok, 5 minutes." during the biophysical profile, she was measuring fluid around the baby, and all these other little things, like the amount of times the baby moved and how many practice respirations she could count {diaphragm movements}. we wrapped things up when we were "out of time" and left the center. she kind of smiled and said, well i can't say anything, let's just see what the radiologist says...okayyyy. again, we didn't think anything of it...thought it was a liability thing. i haaad to have sonic for lunch, so jack took me to one down the street and i had the most glorious meal: a cheeseburger, tater tots, and a strawberry cookie dough milk shake. who am i?? our plan was to go home, rest a bit, and head over later to our friends' {rachel & dan} for taco night. i was also going to pack my and jack's hospital bags. i had already packed a baby bag, but was slowly chipping away at all the other pre-baby to-do tasks, and this was on the agenda for that day. i was supposed to have a month.

on the way home, my phone rang and it was my doctor's cell phone. my heart dropped.

it turns out the tech counted zero diaphragm movements, and fluid was only one fifth of what it should have been. because of the low fluid, she had low oxygen. that in turn was making her movements slow and preventing her from practicing her breathing movements. she scored 4 out of 8 on this biophysical profile test, which basically means the baby is in distress and prompts for immediate delivery. ummmmmm omg. my ears started ringing. we were literally driving home from the appointment and lunch. jack pulled over and took the phone from me. he asked the doctor if he could ask some questions. doctor said there would be time for questions at the hospital, but we needed to go to labor & delivery right now. he could see that we were flustered and not processing the severity of the situation. he tried to explain again and broke it down to us like this: there is 99.9% chance you are having a baby today. go to l&d and have a non-stress test. if the baby passes the test, kate can be induced. if the baby doesn't pass, we need to do an immediate c section. holy cow. ok. good thing we didn't reschedule the scan for the next week, and thank the Lord that jack came to this appointment with me and i wasn't by myself.

doctor asked us if we had a bag...haha, nooooooo. but i did have a six page print out on my counter with items highlighted that i intended to pack that afternoon. doctor said, no time for bags, go to hospital now.

4pm on january 30th: we turned around and headed to labor & delivery, totally unprepared. in workout clothes. with no bags. i called my dad in tears to tell him what was happening. all i could think was whether my baby was ok and how totally unprepared i was. i felt like i was dreaming. it was sort of an out of body experience.

i imagined going into delivery practically skipping with jack, with my hair washed and done, makeup on {complete with waterproof mascara}, bag in tow with all my necessities that would make my hospital stay super comfy {like slippers and pillow and eye mask}, a perfect mani and cute toes. noooope. haha annnd, i had nothing. my house was a mess. the baby room wasn't done. stuff everywhere. i needed to vacuum and scrub bathrooms. i was supposed to have another MONTH!

new goal: nobody die.

we got to the hospital and in labor & delivery triage they hooked me up to a non-stress test to monitor the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. what the heck, i was having contractions and i just couldn't feel them yet. baby's heart looked good. the doctor came by and did a cervical check {which by the way hurts like a bizzle}. imagine your doctor jamming his giant dry gloved man hand up there. i totally cried out in surprise and pain. the nurse told me later that sometimes the doctors are a little rougher with this check when they want to "get things moving and start labor." don't get me wrong, he's really nice and usually very gentle, but there is just no way to prepare for that check when you aren't dilated. he noticed there was some fluid there before the check, hmmm. he tested it for amniotic fluid and it was positive! turns out my water had broken {slow leak} and i didn't know it. i was relived to have an explanation as to why she was in distress. with this being the case, he needed to get the baby out, but since she passed her non-stress test, i could be induced and be allowed to labor for as long as her and my bodies would tolerate it before turning to a c section. because i had a leak in my water, both she and i were exposed to infection. both of us were at risk now, so she needed to come out asap. 

5pm january 30th: they gave me an oral medicine to get my cervix ready for labor. upon admission, i was only 2cm, 50% effaced. once dad came, jack left for a little bit to go home and get our baby bag and some essentials. you should have heard me telling him over the phone what makeup brushes of mine to pack. super embarassing.

11pm january 30th: took another dose of the cervix stuff. nothing was happening. they wheeled in a bed for jack to get some sleep. i didn't sleep much at all because nurses kept coming in all night and checking on me, changing iv bags, etc. because of the exposure due to my leaking water, they pumped 8 bags of penicillin into my poor body over the course of the delivery. needless to say i'm now taking probiotics to get both of our systems back on track.

morning january 31st: they started the pitocin. omg that stuff is like getting hit by a train. the contractions got really painful at only 3.5cm. maybe i'm just a baby, but pretty quickly, it got to the point where i was having to breathe through them without talking. i think it hurt so much because my body was being pushed and not allowed to progress naturally. i weighed the pros and cons of waiting for an epidural with my nurse and doctor. why should i sit here in pain? i wanted to be calm and relaxed so i could remember this birth. i wanted to get some rest after being in pain all night. the only con i could think of was that i was terrified of nerve damage and that it wouldn't work. that might happen whether i waited or not, so i opted to order the epi at 3.5 cm {which is a good thing because little did i know i had about a full day to go with these contractions}. the anesthesiologist came in. they all prepped me for the procedure. they had me lean over a table with my back open. he said "start breathing like you are hyperventilating." i did and all of a sudden it felt like he threw a dart in my back and was injecting pressure and fluid into my spinal cavity. i started flipping out shaking and crying. this was by far the most difficult part of my whole labor. it was the weirdest worst feeling ever having something going in my spine. i even had a meltdown a few minutes after he left because a pillow was touching the site where the hose was going in my spine and i thought it was tearing and was going to leave me paralyzed. spines freak me out. anyway, once it started to work, my mind changed. pretty much i remember telling everyone who came in my room that everyone should have an epidural all the time. i could still move everything, but my contractions vanished. i finally got some sleep.

evening january 31st: family came to visit. it was so nice to have some familiar faces there with us. baby was doing great on the monitor and i was in my epidural happy place. they even gave me a fentanyl pain button for breakthrough pain. my epidural was so good i didn't even need it until the end. i found i am not one of those women that needs to prove anything to myself or others about laboring naturally, or needing to "feel what birth feels like." the epi allowed me to just laugh and talk with my family and friends and enjoy the whole experience. it was magical.

late evening january 31st: had my twenty thousandth cervical check. since the epi, i didn't mind them anymore because i couldn't feel them, haha. my pitocin was cranked up to the max dose before getting a doctor's order to increase it, but for some reason my body wasn't progressing. when they checked me again, the nurse found that there was another part of my water that needed to be broken, and that's why my labor was stuck at 3.5cm for the last 12 hours. they had an on-call doctor come in and break that {with a knitting needle looking thing} and finally things started progressing quickly. this allowed baby to drop down into the birth canal and get moving. in a matter of hours, i went from 3.5cm to 10cm. just as jack took a break to go up to the cafe to grab some dinner, it was time to push.  literally a matter of five minutes! someone ran to get him.

11:30pm january 31st: the nurse called my doctor, but said we should start pushing now so he could see we had been doing some work before he got there, haha. she said we could be pushing for three hours. well, i pushed once, and she said ok, stop. the baby has hair! i guess baby was a little closer to coming out than we thought!

11:45pm january 31st: my doctor arrived, nicu was standing by {since baby was a 36 week late pre-term baby}, jack was holding my hand. then my doctor asked me if i wanted to choose her birthday. did i want her to be born on january 31st, or february 1st? at first i thought he was joking, but he was totally serious. i told him that i thought february 1st was a way cuter birthday, and could i really wait? i loved the idea of her birthday being on the first day of a fresh month. i love february. the month of love! so, selfish me made the whole dang place wait for 15 minutes until midnight. hahahah. it's sort of a fog because i was so deliriously tired and drugged, but i remember we talked about names for our nameless baby, how hilarious it would be if we named her my german maiden name {schnaible}, all the mispronunciations it has had in the past, and tons of other nonsense. at midnight exactly i started pushing.

12:04am february 1st: after 31 hours of labor, baby ella rose davidson was born in 5 pushes. again, props to my amazing anesthesiologist because i did not feel one bit of pain during delivery {just pressure}, or my massive tear {sorry, tmi}.

after that was a blur. nicu did their assessment and concluded she didn't have to be admitted and she could come up to recovery with us yay!! she was really purple and the cord was wrapped once around her little neck. a few minutes went by and she started improving, then i finally heard a cry. and i was totally instantly in love. they then let me have some skin on skin time and try to nurse her a little bit. i was sooo out of it. they gave me some pain pills to take the edge off while the epi was filtering out of my system and let me tell you, it was horrible mixing all that garbage in my body. i just felt like i had tunnel vision and everyone was all echo-y. i asked the nurse to make sure i wasn't hemorrhaging or something. eek. she showed me my monitors and said see, you are ok. it's just the medicine. it will wear off in a little bit.

then they wheeled us up to our recovery room, where this evil nurse made me stay awake and sign a bunch of stuff. i had no idea what i was signing. they could show up any day now and take my organs for all i know. she just said "i know you are tired, but i need you to pay attention and listen." uhhh ok, sorry lady. i haven't slept in 48 hours, just endured the most physically exhausting event ever experienced in my life, and you've got me on all kinds of drugs. she even said "i don't mind showing you this one time, but after that, you need to do it." whatever, evil wench. my baby slept all night that night, jack slept on his daddy pullout, and i did my best to get some rest, too. all of the other nurses were lovely. they really made us feel cared for and safe. they came any time we were concerned. i had a few meltdowns about ella's nursing {and have had them since}. they totally helped us get through it.

3pm february 4th: we were discharged after they were sure that neither of us were getting an infection and that baby ella {since she was early} had no other problems. i seriously had the most magical labor | delivery | recovery. everyone at the hospital {besides the first evil nurse in recovery} was over the top kind and funny and caring. one even hugged me when i cried. they even helped us by voting on their favorite name on our white board of name candidates. we finally decided that ella rose was the only name that suited her. she was just so itzy and fancy. none of the other names we were thinking about fit her at all. i'm so glad we waited to meet her until we chose a name. everything was perfect. we just couldn't be happier. i kept asking jack if post partum euphoria was a thing.

our childbirth classes were scheduled for the following weekend. oopsies.

i'm totally sleep deprived and don't have the energy to proof read this. i wanted to get the details out before i forgot even just one! congrats if you actually made it to the end!

my handsome is coming home.

in 4 days, 17 hours, 26 minutes, + 53 seconds,

my partner in crime, best friend, and husband will be home after five long months of being a hard-working, transient extern around the country. my baby daddy is finally coming back to me!

i cannot contain myself.

merry merry.

denver.

{photo by jack while we were driving through the rocky mountain national forest}

i visited jack in denver, colorado at his externship during october. fall was in full force. leaves were changing and the air was crisp. pretty much my love affair with autumn grew exponentially.

during my few days there, we spent time in denver, vail, & the rocky mountain national forest. 

needless to say, i'm obsessed. i had heard this part of the country was beautiful, but what i found there surpassed expectations. 

the city was clean, brand new & sparkling. 

the people were lovely and happy. healthy lifestyles seemed to be a top priority.

the women walked around in their spandex workout pants, big sunglasses & cute starbucks cups. 

pretty much this is my favorite externship location that i have been to, and i'm in love.

{baby davidson is 22 weeks on this trip}

  

 

we could totally be colorado people.

mobile.

remember how i said i hated every commercial mobile i ever saw? and how i was going to boycott all of them because i refused to have a hideous one in my child's magnificent presence? and i was going to make my own? okay, maybe i didn't go as far to divulge all of that. 

anyway, times have changed.

during jack's visit home for thanksgiving, we went to babies r us to drool over all the baby stuff. i have discovered that i have an incredible weakness. whenever jack says he loves something for the baby, i cannot resist it. it's like, i have to have it. i love how opinionated he is about his baby. it just melts my heart melt.

sooo...we were walking through the furniture section of babies r us so i could show him the fully assembled furniture set i ordered. on our exact sample set, there was this mobile.

petit tresor nuit musical mobile

he said babe, i looove this. it plays music. cue heart running into a little puddle. do you have any idea how rare it is for him to looove something that matches my ridiculous monochrome cozy whimsical vision of our nursery?! and the fact that it actually is the only mobile i've ever seen that i have actually liked {that could absolutely be because jack just brainwashed me though}? and the colors are perfect.

sold.

so what am i planning on doing with two mobiles? this one will go on the crib, and i'm still planning on making the other woodland animal one with the felted ornaments {can't wait to share it when it's finished!}. i'm going to hang it above the glider for baby lady to stare at while she eats.

i'm having way too much fun with this baby room.

six months pregnant.

 S T A T S :

baby: officially today, she is the size of an eggplant...or 2 lbs. this week, she's now opening her eyes, and has electrical brain activity similar to that of a newborn! what a crazy miracle!! when really active, she will actually play by kicking an area back if i push slightly on my tummy. sooo cute.

weight gain: seventeen lbs. my weight gain has slowed down {i was up 15 lbs at 20 weeks, and i'm now 26 weeks!}. i am part of a preggo mama fitness group, and one of our recent challenges was to count our calories. what an eye opener! i really only need 200-300 more per day than my pre-pregnancy diet. sometimes it's reallyyy hard to not eat when i'm hungry, so i take that as a sign that baby is having a growth spurt and i eat a big meal. but for the most part, i stick with the 300 calories/day max addition. that's only like one extra serving of trail mix! also, now that my queasiness has gone away, i am eating veggies again, and can bear to cook. so i feel like i am healthier all around than in the past few months. dr was super happy with my weight at my six month checkup and said i was doing "perfect," and that couldn't have made my day better! this girl is turning me into a cookie monster and it's sooo difficult to turn down sweets! BUT i've been doing it!! i have to say, when i first found out i was pregnant, the scariest part for me was the impending weight gain. but now i feel like i have a handle on this, i know how to not get out of control, and i am much less overwhelmed! of course, i still have an entire trimester to go, so this could definitely change. 

sleep: still not so good. i need about 5 pillows haha. last night was the first night i had to wake up and have a midnight snack, so baby must be growing! i've also started a liquid magnesium supplement in the form of calm, which is supposed to help:

• reduce stress & relax muscles{tmi-which helps in the bathroom department, and also with leg cramps}
• relieve insomnia & excessive thirst
• promote bone & teeth development for baby and me
• regulate blood sugar levels and heartbeat {it's common for the heart to palpitate with all the extra blood volume, totally something i was experiencing}

i didn't know this, but apparently many preggo women are deficient in magnesium and there is nowhere near enough in a prenatal vitamin! not sure why it took me so long to start taking this, but it has really helped with my sleep & nightly stress. also, i haven't had any of the second trimester dreaded charley horse cramps, so i'll just credit the magnesium for that!

feeling: hormonal & roller coaster-y. stressed about where we are going to be living in seven short months. physically, large. at night i feel like i can't get enough air in my lungs sometimes because my torso feels so full...lots of stretching. if i am too active {working out, walking, pilates}, my pelvis feels like it's going to split in half. soooo, that's a bit painful. just now noticing it is hard to tie my shoes, put on tights, or socks & boots. also, i'm feeling the nesting start to kick in. i'm shopping for baby clothes, starting the nursery, and scheduling classes & a hospital tour. feeling prepared helps with the overall anxiety of all this change.

maternity clothes: oh yeah. the biggest challenge has been trying to decide what to wear for maternity pictures and my two upcoming baby showers!! so fun!

favorite moments of this month:

1. hubby is coming home for thanksgiving: eeek! so excited!! his program this month is closed wed-fri for thanksgiving holiday, so they sent their externs notice last week {what awesome notice because airfare is superrr easy to book this time of year!!}. so, we sold my left kidney and bought a plane ticket for him to spend it at  h o m e. you guys, he hasn't been home since july. i can't contain myself. i pick him up tonight!! feeling a little nostalgic about it because i just realized that this will be the last holiday we spend together as just a married couple, as he will be at his san diego externship for christmas and i'll be too much of a whale to fly.

2. nursery details: i can't wait to officially start putting this girly whimsy woodland room together. my colors are neutrals with pops of coral, light pink & gold. i have a vision and can't wait to share it. i need jack to help me move furniture, so we probably won't put it together completely until next month. in the meantime, i'm beginning to hoard:

• some leather bows from little kate designs. are you kidding me right now with these?

• this glider & cozy friends. my amazing grammenner and aunti kate sent me a gorgeous glider for our nursery!! and i splurged on pale nulle {left} from lucky boy sunday when i first found out i was pregnant because, obviously. and the little fawn is by maileg...one side of her is sleeping and the other side is awake. i bought them both from the fawn shoppe. the possum fur baby blanket {draped over the chair for now} is from my trip to new zealand. i may or may not also have a matching pillow.
  

• i decided i hate every cutesy mobile on the planet, so i am going to make my own. after jack vetoed a couple of ideas involving feathers and sticks that were too "blair witch project" {oops}, we found these amazing felted woodland animal ornaments in a shop in vail when i visited him in colorado last month. i took their little christmas scarves off, and now they are going to make the perfect mobile!
  

3. registering at babies r us: seriously, that gun is way too addicting. huge thanks to my sister teagan and other mother di for helping me by telling me what i need! i was sooo clueless.

morning bump shot before registering!

4. passing my glucose test: yay for no gestational diabetes! bring on the thanksgiving feast!

5. miso not dying of grape poisoning: the other night, my little fruit bat ate a piece of a green grape, of which at that moment, i did not know are extremely poisonous to dogs and cats. one grape can kill a cat of kidney failure in a matter of days! they don't know exactly what the toxin is in the grape, but it's hit or miss. sometimes animals react, and sometimes they don't. sometimes a cat can even eat a grape once and be fine, and die in the course of hours the next time! i called kitty 911 because i was so freaked out by this and we ended up in the kitty ER at 11pm to make sure his kidneys were ok, because once they show symptoms, it's too late, and the poisoning is not treatable. they watched him for two hours, and during that time he got fluids and lots of blood/urine testing. of course i waited like a frantic crazy person in the waiting room the whole time. three days later we did another panel & checkup at his regular vet, and he was ok. poor baby! don't let your pets eat raisins or grapes, no matter how happy and excited they are! EVER!!!

6. miso conquering his fear of the fireplace: last month, sushi claimed this real estate, but now miso is moving right in!

also, i am going to do a post on my pregnancy must haves that got me through the first and second trimesters.

ok, i needed to start getting this place ready for jack's homecoming like three hours ago, so here i go...i am sooo excited to have him home!!!!!!!