photoshoot.

i'm sort of in love with the matte style of photography. also, we planned our wedding in one month in 2010, so we just simply did not have time for engagement pictures. so, moral of the story, the only professional pictures we have ever had taken of us are in wedding attire. although those pictures are super special, i "needed" more. haha. define need.

we needed to have photos taken while we lived in the bay to capture 

"the san francisco era"

the lovely christina from whitaker portraits met us at one of her favorite locations in the south bay. needless to say, i think she did an amazing job. and we had a lot of fun!

 

tiny disclaimer: 

these photos were taken in november & i was seven weeks pregnant. unfortunately, just a week later {on the afternoon of my first official doctor's appointment}, we lost our baby. that was an incredible trial for both of us. as a huge believer in plans and such, i didn't think i would be so sad if the pregnancy didn't work out. come on, there is a plan, and i'm just along for the ride, right!? then it became a reality. let me tell you, it was really sad. like, really freaking sad. i'm doing better now, though. good enough to talk about it without bursting into tears like a crazy person.

consequently, we found out that we would be moving to washington at the exact time the baby would have been due. we completely trust in God's plan for us and now find much comfort in knowing that the timing was off and we will have a family in perfect timing. just like everything else.

i think it's weird when people don't discuss hardships. life isn't all sunshine and sparkly unicorns. so that may have been tmi, but i think it's worse to keep things inside, be super secretive, and let pain fester. at first, i couldn't speak about it without breaking down. okay, let's be honest. i couldn't even think of it without breaking down. mornings were the hardest because i would open my eyes first thing, and for that split second, forget what had happened. then i would relive the loss and remember the reality and again my heart would break. and then i'd force myself to get out of bed, get ready, get on the bus {with another hour of excruciating alone time to sit and think}, and go put on a strong face at work. 

but...as the weeks passed, not talking about it left this huge hole in my heart. it's amazing: on the occasions that people have asked, and i have shared, i have been finding out that that person has gone through something really similar, or been close to someone that has. that connection has really helped the healing process for me. so, thank you for letting me share with all of you what happened. against your own will, haha.

hopefully things didn't just get weird. haha. the good news is...you don't have to read my blog again if you feel completely violated!