birth story.

ella rose davidson joined us a month earlier than we expected her. 

she was nameless up until the moment we were discharged from our five day hospital stay, when we had to turn in the birth certificate paperwork. now we see that no other name would suit her and i'm glad we waited to settle on something until we met her.

having her a month early was absolutely terrifying, especially since we didn't have any idea if something serious was wrong with her or me.

but, she is perfect. and here is the story:

{tmi warning: i do mention the word 'cervix'}

i had a routine ultrasound and doctor's appointment scheduled for my 36 week milestone. for some reason, i just really felt i needed jack to go with me. he was able to arrange it with his rotation to take the morning off and come with me. the day before the appointment, my doctor's office called and said their ultrasound machine was broken and they asked if they could reschedule for the following week. since jack had already arranged the time off, and he started a new rotation the following monday {i didn't want him to ask for time off on a new rotation}, i asked if they could please find us an appointment at another location on the same day where we could just send the results to my doctor. after all day back and forth on the phone, they found an appointment for us at an alternative imaging center for the original date. yay!

  we had my doctor's appointment first thing in the morning. nothing out of the ordinary, just a few paranoid pregnancy questions for my doctor. he said he would read the results of the ultrasound, and we probably wouldn't hear anything from him right away if all looked normal. we could go over the results at the following week's appointment. we were in and out in 15 minutes.

we headed over to the imaging center for our ultrasound. the tech mentioned that my doctor had ordered a biophysical profile, which is an analysis in addition to the routine sizing ultrasound normally done at 36 weeks. she asked us if we knew why he had ordered this. i had no idea. up until that point, i was told by everyone that my pregnancy was totally healthy, one hundred percent normal, no news was good news. she said there was a note on the order that said my baby was "measuring big." the results of the routine ultrasound estimated her to be measuring a week ahead {37 weeks} and 6 lbs plus or minus a pound. i had heard that these ultrasound estimates are wildly inaccurate. nothing to worry about and my doctor probably wouldn't even change my due date.

well, jack and i were normal giddy parents through the ultrasound, being totally ridiculous and just marveling at her perfect little spine and feet and all the little movements on the screen. the tech was being really quiet. i just chalked it up to the fact that techs aren't really supposed to say much about what they find. she asked if i was feeling the baby move a lot today. once i thought about it, the baby really hadn't been moving much that morning. i thought maybe it was because it had been so long since i had breakfast. or maybe i was dehydrated. hmm. anyway, the tech went back to her measuring, saying "well, we have 15 minutes left. ok, ten minutes left. huh. ok, 5 minutes." during the biophysical profile, she was measuring fluid around the baby, and all these other little things, like the amount of times the baby moved and how many practice respirations she could count {diaphragm movements}. we wrapped things up when we were "out of time" and left the center. she kind of smiled and said, well i can't say anything, let's just see what the radiologist says...okayyyy. again, we didn't think anything of it...thought it was a liability thing. i haaad to have sonic for lunch, so jack took me to one down the street and i had the most glorious meal: a cheeseburger, tater tots, and a strawberry cookie dough milk shake. who am i?? our plan was to go home, rest a bit, and head over later to our friends' {rachel & dan} for taco night. i was also going to pack my and jack's hospital bags. i had already packed a baby bag, but was slowly chipping away at all the other pre-baby to-do tasks, and this was on the agenda for that day. i was supposed to have a month.

on the way home, my phone rang and it was my doctor's cell phone. my heart dropped.

it turns out the tech counted zero diaphragm movements, and fluid was only one fifth of what it should have been. because of the low fluid, she had low oxygen. that in turn was making her movements slow and preventing her from practicing her breathing movements. she scored 4 out of 8 on this biophysical profile test, which basically means the baby is in distress and prompts for immediate delivery. ummmmmm omg. my ears started ringing. we were literally driving home from the appointment and lunch. jack pulled over and took the phone from me. he asked the doctor if he could ask some questions. doctor said there would be time for questions at the hospital, but we needed to go to labor & delivery right now. he could see that we were flustered and not processing the severity of the situation. he tried to explain again and broke it down to us like this: there is 99.9% chance you are having a baby today. go to l&d and have a non-stress test. if the baby passes the test, kate can be induced. if the baby doesn't pass, we need to do an immediate c section. holy cow. ok. good thing we didn't reschedule the scan for the next week, and thank the Lord that jack came to this appointment with me and i wasn't by myself.

doctor asked us if we had a bag...haha, nooooooo. but i did have a six page print out on my counter with items highlighted that i intended to pack that afternoon. doctor said, no time for bags, go to hospital now.

4pm on january 30th: we turned around and headed to labor & delivery, totally unprepared. in workout clothes. with no bags. i called my dad in tears to tell him what was happening. all i could think was whether my baby was ok and how totally unprepared i was. i felt like i was dreaming. it was sort of an out of body experience.

i imagined going into delivery practically skipping with jack, with my hair washed and done, makeup on {complete with waterproof mascara}, bag in tow with all my necessities that would make my hospital stay super comfy {like slippers and pillow and eye mask}, a perfect mani and cute toes. noooope. haha annnd, i had nothing. my house was a mess. the baby room wasn't done. stuff everywhere. i needed to vacuum and scrub bathrooms. i was supposed to have another MONTH!

new goal: nobody die.

we got to the hospital and in labor & delivery triage they hooked me up to a non-stress test to monitor the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. what the heck, i was having contractions and i just couldn't feel them yet. baby's heart looked good. the doctor came by and did a cervical check {which by the way hurts like a bizzle}. imagine your doctor jamming his giant dry gloved man hand up there. i totally cried out in surprise and pain. the nurse told me later that sometimes the doctors are a little rougher with this check when they want to "get things moving and start labor." don't get me wrong, he's really nice and usually very gentle, but there is just no way to prepare for that check when you aren't dilated. he noticed there was some fluid there before the check, hmmm. he tested it for amniotic fluid and it was positive! turns out my water had broken {slow leak} and i didn't know it. i was relived to have an explanation as to why she was in distress. with this being the case, he needed to get the baby out, but since she passed her non-stress test, i could be induced and be allowed to labor for as long as her and my bodies would tolerate it before turning to a c section. because i had a leak in my water, both she and i were exposed to infection. both of us were at risk now, so she needed to come out asap. 

5pm january 30th: they gave me an oral medicine to get my cervix ready for labor. upon admission, i was only 2cm, 50% effaced. once dad came, jack left for a little bit to go home and get our baby bag and some essentials. you should have heard me telling him over the phone what makeup brushes of mine to pack. super embarassing.

11pm january 30th: took another dose of the cervix stuff. nothing was happening. they wheeled in a bed for jack to get some sleep. i didn't sleep much at all because nurses kept coming in all night and checking on me, changing iv bags, etc. because of the exposure due to my leaking water, they pumped 8 bags of penicillin into my poor body over the course of the delivery. needless to say i'm now taking probiotics to get both of our systems back on track.

morning january 31st: they started the pitocin. omg that stuff is like getting hit by a train. the contractions got really painful at only 3.5cm. maybe i'm just a baby, but pretty quickly, it got to the point where i was having to breathe through them without talking. i think it hurt so much because my body was being pushed and not allowed to progress naturally. i weighed the pros and cons of waiting for an epidural with my nurse and doctor. why should i sit here in pain? i wanted to be calm and relaxed so i could remember this birth. i wanted to get some rest after being in pain all night. the only con i could think of was that i was terrified of nerve damage and that it wouldn't work. that might happen whether i waited or not, so i opted to order the epi at 3.5 cm {which is a good thing because little did i know i had about a full day to go with these contractions}. the anesthesiologist came in. they all prepped me for the procedure. they had me lean over a table with my back open. he said "start breathing like you are hyperventilating." i did and all of a sudden it felt like he threw a dart in my back and was injecting pressure and fluid into my spinal cavity. i started flipping out shaking and crying. this was by far the most difficult part of my whole labor. it was the weirdest worst feeling ever having something going in my spine. i even had a meltdown a few minutes after he left because a pillow was touching the site where the hose was going in my spine and i thought it was tearing and was going to leave me paralyzed. spines freak me out. anyway, once it started to work, my mind changed. pretty much i remember telling everyone who came in my room that everyone should have an epidural all the time. i could still move everything, but my contractions vanished. i finally got some sleep.

evening january 31st: family came to visit. it was so nice to have some familiar faces there with us. baby was doing great on the monitor and i was in my epidural happy place. they even gave me a fentanyl pain button for breakthrough pain. my epidural was so good i didn't even need it until the end. i found i am not one of those women that needs to prove anything to myself or others about laboring naturally, or needing to "feel what birth feels like." the epi allowed me to just laugh and talk with my family and friends and enjoy the whole experience. it was magical.

late evening january 31st: had my twenty thousandth cervical check. since the epi, i didn't mind them anymore because i couldn't feel them, haha. my pitocin was cranked up to the max dose before getting a doctor's order to increase it, but for some reason my body wasn't progressing. when they checked me again, the nurse found that there was another part of my water that needed to be broken, and that's why my labor was stuck at 3.5cm for the last 12 hours. they had an on-call doctor come in and break that {with a knitting needle looking thing} and finally things started progressing quickly. this allowed baby to drop down into the birth canal and get moving. in a matter of hours, i went from 3.5cm to 10cm. just as jack took a break to go up to the cafe to grab some dinner, it was time to push.  literally a matter of five minutes! someone ran to get him.

11:30pm january 31st: the nurse called my doctor, but said we should start pushing now so he could see we had been doing some work before he got there, haha. she said we could be pushing for three hours. well, i pushed once, and she said ok, stop. the baby has hair! i guess baby was a little closer to coming out than we thought!

11:45pm january 31st: my doctor arrived, nicu was standing by {since baby was a 36 week late pre-term baby}, jack was holding my hand. then my doctor asked me if i wanted to choose her birthday. did i want her to be born on january 31st, or february 1st? at first i thought he was joking, but he was totally serious. i told him that i thought february 1st was a way cuter birthday, and could i really wait? i loved the idea of her birthday being on the first day of a fresh month. i love february. the month of love! so, selfish me made the whole dang place wait for 15 minutes until midnight. hahahah. it's sort of a fog because i was so deliriously tired and drugged, but i remember we talked about names for our nameless baby, how hilarious it would be if we named her my german maiden name {schnaible}, all the mispronunciations it has had in the past, and tons of other nonsense. at midnight exactly i started pushing.

12:04am february 1st: after 31 hours of labor, baby ella rose davidson was born in 5 pushes. again, props to my amazing anesthesiologist because i did not feel one bit of pain during delivery {just pressure}, or my massive tear {sorry, tmi}.

after that was a blur. nicu did their assessment and concluded she didn't have to be admitted and she could come up to recovery with us yay!! she was really purple and the cord was wrapped once around her little neck. a few minutes went by and she started improving, then i finally heard a cry. and i was totally instantly in love. they then let me have some skin on skin time and try to nurse her a little bit. i was sooo out of it. they gave me some pain pills to take the edge off while the epi was filtering out of my system and let me tell you, it was horrible mixing all that garbage in my body. i just felt like i had tunnel vision and everyone was all echo-y. i asked the nurse to make sure i wasn't hemorrhaging or something. eek. she showed me my monitors and said see, you are ok. it's just the medicine. it will wear off in a little bit.

then they wheeled us up to our recovery room, where this evil nurse made me stay awake and sign a bunch of stuff. i had no idea what i was signing. they could show up any day now and take my organs for all i know. she just said "i know you are tired, but i need you to pay attention and listen." uhhh ok, sorry lady. i haven't slept in 48 hours, just endured the most physically exhausting event ever experienced in my life, and you've got me on all kinds of drugs. she even said "i don't mind showing you this one time, but after that, you need to do it." whatever, evil wench. my baby slept all night that night, jack slept on his daddy pullout, and i did my best to get some rest, too. all of the other nurses were lovely. they really made us feel cared for and safe. they came any time we were concerned. i had a few meltdowns about ella's nursing {and have had them since}. they totally helped us get through it.

3pm february 4th: we were discharged after they were sure that neither of us were getting an infection and that baby ella {since she was early} had no other problems. i seriously had the most magical labor | delivery | recovery. everyone at the hospital {besides the first evil nurse in recovery} was over the top kind and funny and caring. one even hugged me when i cried. they even helped us by voting on their favorite name on our white board of name candidates. we finally decided that ella rose was the only name that suited her. she was just so itzy and fancy. none of the other names we were thinking about fit her at all. i'm so glad we waited to meet her until we chose a name. everything was perfect. we just couldn't be happier. i kept asking jack if post partum euphoria was a thing.

our childbirth classes were scheduled for the following weekend. oopsies.

i'm totally sleep deprived and don't have the energy to proof read this. i wanted to get the details out before i forgot even just one! congrats if you actually made it to the end!

thirty weeks.

bumpdate | thirty weeks down, ten to go!

i take these awkward selfies because literally no one is home to take a picture to document my bump, mostly for jack...and i know someday i will want to look back and see these. hope you enjoy them haha.

S T A T S :

baby: she is the size of a butternut squash or summer cantaloupe...or a little over 3 lbs. this week, her brain is further developing by growing new grooves and wrinkles!! she can also now regulate her own body temp & is packing on the fat. sounds familiarrrr {see weight gain, ugh}.

weight gain: ummmm next question. ugh, ok, 23 lbs. not proud of that this week. between treats at two baby showers, a business trip with delish san fran food, & a christmas vacation to gramma & grampa's house, my diet hasn't been atop my proudest moments over the past few weeks. 

need. less. chocolate. cake.

sleep: okay. it's better than i was sleeping. i discovered if i put a pillow under my huge belly, it feels sooo much better. 

feeling: my body all of a sudden grew a noticeable amount over the last two weeks. my belly button is really sore {and gone}. no stretch marks yet, though - hopefully the gallons of body oil i'm marinating in is helping that cause...but probably not. i'm getting braxton hicks contractions, and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest throughout those. i walk one or two miles and feel like i got hit by a train in my pelvis. my feet & hands started swelling. might have been the airplane + 13 hrs/day in heels at work on business + being on my feet baking for christmas + not having time to workout much last week {or two}. 30 weeks must be a magical stepping stone haha. emotionally, just still missing jack. i visited him in SD for the baby shower, and i was a ridiculous mess leaving him again. i miss my best friend and i'm ready to not be without him. he comes home in  e l e v e n  days after five long months. also, getting a little anxious about having a newborn. people are telling me horror stories about how hard it is, and i can't help but let it get to me a bit. note to self - try and refrain from telling a pregnant chick "haha, yeah. it's only going to get worse." thanks. i mean, my baby is totally going to be sleeping through the night by day number two. i don't know why people think i'm being unrealistic. {...joking}

maternity clothes: duh.

favorite moments:

1. both of my baby showers. hands down. see details here.

2. shopping at babies r us. i built this swing all by myself in the absence of hubster. accordingly, it probably won't pass code, and i need jack to check it before i accidentally kill my baby in it, but isn't it sooo cute??!

3. more nesting: i'm slowly getting the nursery organized all that i can before jack comes home to help me move and build furniture. the room still looks like an episode of hoarders, but it's coming together slowly. i had a ton of fun going through shower gifts and finding places for everything. and are you kidding me with these newborn diapers?? so itzy and tiny!

  4. things are finally sinking in. i cannot believe in only ten weeks, i'm going to be a momma. i still feel like i'm 18 sometimes. it's going to be so crazy, but so much fun! can't wait till jack comes home {did i already mention that?}. although, then i'll have to actually get dressed and not spend all my time in this fluffy pink fleece bathrobe with five day hair. maybe.

pregnancy must haves : first & second trimesters.

jack visited last week and i finally had the opportunity to trade in my usual awkward selfie belly pic for a real one haha. i'm getting huge!!

there have been a few essentials that have made this pregnancy easier than it could have been, so i thought i would share them for any of you girls that just got that overwhelming positive test for the first time {or just want one, soon}!

i'm only through the second trimester. i'm expecting there to be a different survival list for the third trimester as my symptoms become more obviously relating to my huge whale body, but we'll see.

thank you for your comforts, first world america.

pregnancy essentials | first & second trimesters

• two king sized pillows : {and possibly two more standard pillows} i never knew that preggo sleeping {or sitting or laying} was so tricky! once hitting the second trimester, i haven't been able to sleep on my back because my whole body goes numb and i can't breathe {totally normal blood flow issue - apparently you need to be on your left side because otherwise baby crushes your cute little vena cava}. a lot of people buy those pregnancy pillows and swear by them, but i'm a poor med student wifey and refuse to spend money & valuable storage space on a huge hideous pillow. so, i just make a pillow fortress on all sides. king pillows in front and in back to keep from rolling during sleep.

• trader joe's refrigerated & frozen section : the last thing i've wanted to do over the last 6 months is cook, or assemble food in general. the smells just slap me in the face, and i can't bear to do dishes. the only way i've been able to eat anything decent is when it comes from wonderful trader joe's. they do a pretty darn good job at minimizing artificial ingredients, so i feel better about eating such "fast" food. my favorites have been the caesar salad {dressing and cheese are pasteurized}, fresh tabbouleh with added feta cheese {pasteurized}, fresh tuna salad wrap, frozen egg rolls, & frozen paneer tikka masala.

• body oil & lubriderm cocoa butter body lotion : the oil helps in the torso area for the itching associated with stretching, and the lubriderm is so nice and smells like summer - it sinks right in instead of sitting on the surface and keeps my skin super soft until my next shower. as for what brand of oil, there are a few i like: my girlfriend got me the body shop's beautifying oil in olive and it's lovely; and i also love bio-oil {no scent} & burt's bees {smells like lemons}. after a shower, i do oil first, then follow with the lubriderm. no stretch marks yet, but {a) i hear genetics matter more than the potions you use, and {b} i'm not in my third trimester yet. we'll see!

• bath & body works wallflower plugins : new to pregnancy, i abhor all kitchen smells including food, refrigeration, and pantry. i have the max socially acceptable amount of baking soda in my pantry, fridge, & freezer, but that hasn't been cutting it. these wallflowers from bath & body works smell so cozy and mask all of those "unpleasant to me" odors. i stocked up on the fall scents last season because those are my fave.

• motherhood maternity full panel leggings : just, yes. these are perfect for lounging around the house, and for when you are over your waist band cutting into your tummy. while you are there {and you are at least 16 weeks}, get fitted for a new bigger bra {nursing, so it will last postpartum}. trust me, you will probably be in denial like i was until you put a bigger one on, and you already need it. i love this one, and this one.

• paige denim under belly skyline maternity jeans : i have been wearing these literally almost every day that i actually get dressed since 14 weeks. designer jeans are a bit of a splurge, but they are so worth it. they fit & hold up well, material is soft and stretchy but holds shape, and they are so so so comfy. you won't feel like you've had to sacrifice your cuteness, and you only need one pair. i feel like if you save money and buy cheapy ones, you end up buying several pairs that fall apart or don't fit quite right to find something that works...and then you've spent about the same amount as you would have on one awesome designer pair! i haven't had a problem with these under belly ones staying up like some preggos complain about, but i'm naturally cut a little bigger in the booty, so they have something to hold on to if that makes sense haha. order your pre-pregnancy size, because these are cut a little bigger than non-maternity and have some stretch to make room for your growing body.

• all natural calm : i guess any magnesium supplement will do, but i've really enjoyed making a nightly hot tea out of this stuff. it helps me relax, sleep better, and be more regular - all things a pregnant momma needs. read this for an overview of the benefits of getting extra magnesium during pregnancy.

• starbucks via decaf : the saddest & hardest part of my preggo diet change has been giving up coffee. partly because i miss my morning coffee buzz {liquid motivation}, but also because my seattle roots just freaking love coffee. i gave it up entirely for the first trimester because i didn't want the acidity and caffeine to harm the babe. there have been studies showing that caffeine & coffee consumption during early pregnancy increases instances of colic in newborns. of course, there are an equal number of studies saying that caffeine consumption under 200mg/day is perfectly fine. for me, it just wasn't worth the risk - i'll do anything i can to minimize chances of colic and maximize a happy baby. as time went on into the second tri, i reallyyyy missed my coffee. i sort of caved and started reintroducing decaf coffee a few times a week as a treat {still steering clear of all other caffeinated teas & coffees}. these little single serve packets from starbucks are perfect for a one cup decaf splurge. i actually only use half a package per serving because they are so strong {and do not taste one bit like instant}!

• preggo pilates dvd : you guys, this dvd is amazing and is a must have for pregnancy. depending on your energy level, you can customize the workout ranging from 10 to 50 minutes. it's gentle, but you'll be surprised that you are a little sore the next day! even being in decent shape to start, i've had my fair share of body aches and pains so far associated with lower back & pelvis, sacroiliac joint dysfunction, and stretching hips & belly. this dvd helps stretch me out and get my blood moving, especially on days where i don't feel like leaving the couch or apartment. if you want a little more intensity & sweat, summer sanders' preggo workout dvd is awesome, too - you can customize it by trimester to make sure you aren't overdoing it! just mix these sessions in a few times a week with walking and eating right and you'll be on your way to a healthy pregnancy! ...make sure to check with your doctor first, though!

hope this helps!

six months pregnant.

 S T A T S :

baby: officially today, she is the size of an eggplant...or 2 lbs. this week, she's now opening her eyes, and has electrical brain activity similar to that of a newborn! what a crazy miracle!! when really active, she will actually play by kicking an area back if i push slightly on my tummy. sooo cute.

weight gain: seventeen lbs. my weight gain has slowed down {i was up 15 lbs at 20 weeks, and i'm now 26 weeks!}. i am part of a preggo mama fitness group, and one of our recent challenges was to count our calories. what an eye opener! i really only need 200-300 more per day than my pre-pregnancy diet. sometimes it's reallyyy hard to not eat when i'm hungry, so i take that as a sign that baby is having a growth spurt and i eat a big meal. but for the most part, i stick with the 300 calories/day max addition. that's only like one extra serving of trail mix! also, now that my queasiness has gone away, i am eating veggies again, and can bear to cook. so i feel like i am healthier all around than in the past few months. dr was super happy with my weight at my six month checkup and said i was doing "perfect," and that couldn't have made my day better! this girl is turning me into a cookie monster and it's sooo difficult to turn down sweets! BUT i've been doing it!! i have to say, when i first found out i was pregnant, the scariest part for me was the impending weight gain. but now i feel like i have a handle on this, i know how to not get out of control, and i am much less overwhelmed! of course, i still have an entire trimester to go, so this could definitely change. 

sleep: still not so good. i need about 5 pillows haha. last night was the first night i had to wake up and have a midnight snack, so baby must be growing! i've also started a liquid magnesium supplement in the form of calm, which is supposed to help:

• reduce stress & relax muscles{tmi-which helps in the bathroom department, and also with leg cramps}
• relieve insomnia & excessive thirst
• promote bone & teeth development for baby and me
• regulate blood sugar levels and heartbeat {it's common for the heart to palpitate with all the extra blood volume, totally something i was experiencing}

i didn't know this, but apparently many preggo women are deficient in magnesium and there is nowhere near enough in a prenatal vitamin! not sure why it took me so long to start taking this, but it has really helped with my sleep & nightly stress. also, i haven't had any of the second trimester dreaded charley horse cramps, so i'll just credit the magnesium for that!

feeling: hormonal & roller coaster-y. stressed about where we are going to be living in seven short months. physically, large. at night i feel like i can't get enough air in my lungs sometimes because my torso feels so full...lots of stretching. if i am too active {working out, walking, pilates}, my pelvis feels like it's going to split in half. soooo, that's a bit painful. just now noticing it is hard to tie my shoes, put on tights, or socks & boots. also, i'm feeling the nesting start to kick in. i'm shopping for baby clothes, starting the nursery, and scheduling classes & a hospital tour. feeling prepared helps with the overall anxiety of all this change.

maternity clothes: oh yeah. the biggest challenge has been trying to decide what to wear for maternity pictures and my two upcoming baby showers!! so fun!

favorite moments of this month:

1. hubby is coming home for thanksgiving: eeek! so excited!! his program this month is closed wed-fri for thanksgiving holiday, so they sent their externs notice last week {what awesome notice because airfare is superrr easy to book this time of year!!}. so, we sold my left kidney and bought a plane ticket for him to spend it at  h o m e. you guys, he hasn't been home since july. i can't contain myself. i pick him up tonight!! feeling a little nostalgic about it because i just realized that this will be the last holiday we spend together as just a married couple, as he will be at his san diego externship for christmas and i'll be too much of a whale to fly.

2. nursery details: i can't wait to officially start putting this girly whimsy woodland room together. my colors are neutrals with pops of coral, light pink & gold. i have a vision and can't wait to share it. i need jack to help me move furniture, so we probably won't put it together completely until next month. in the meantime, i'm beginning to hoard:

• some leather bows from little kate designs. are you kidding me right now with these?

• this glider & cozy friends. my amazing grammenner and aunti kate sent me a gorgeous glider for our nursery!! and i splurged on pale nulle {left} from lucky boy sunday when i first found out i was pregnant because, obviously. and the little fawn is by maileg...one side of her is sleeping and the other side is awake. i bought them both from the fawn shoppe. the possum fur baby blanket {draped over the chair for now} is from my trip to new zealand. i may or may not also have a matching pillow.
  

• i decided i hate every cutesy mobile on the planet, so i am going to make my own. after jack vetoed a couple of ideas involving feathers and sticks that were too "blair witch project" {oops}, we found these amazing felted woodland animal ornaments in a shop in vail when i visited him in colorado last month. i took their little christmas scarves off, and now they are going to make the perfect mobile!
  

3. registering at babies r us: seriously, that gun is way too addicting. huge thanks to my sister teagan and other mother di for helping me by telling me what i need! i was sooo clueless.

morning bump shot before registering!

4. passing my glucose test: yay for no gestational diabetes! bring on the thanksgiving feast!

5. miso not dying of grape poisoning: the other night, my little fruit bat ate a piece of a green grape, of which at that moment, i did not know are extremely poisonous to dogs and cats. one grape can kill a cat of kidney failure in a matter of days! they don't know exactly what the toxin is in the grape, but it's hit or miss. sometimes animals react, and sometimes they don't. sometimes a cat can even eat a grape once and be fine, and die in the course of hours the next time! i called kitty 911 because i was so freaked out by this and we ended up in the kitty ER at 11pm to make sure his kidneys were ok, because once they show symptoms, it's too late, and the poisoning is not treatable. they watched him for two hours, and during that time he got fluids and lots of blood/urine testing. of course i waited like a frantic crazy person in the waiting room the whole time. three days later we did another panel & checkup at his regular vet, and he was ok. poor baby! don't let your pets eat raisins or grapes, no matter how happy and excited they are! EVER!!!

6. miso conquering his fear of the fireplace: last month, sushi claimed this real estate, but now miso is moving right in!

also, i am going to do a post on my pregnancy must haves that got me through the first and second trimesters.

ok, i needed to start getting this place ready for jack's homecoming like three hours ago, so here i go...i am sooo excited to have him home!!!!!!!

twenty weeks.

halfway bump date!

 20 weeks {five months}.

i had my 20 week ultrasound this morning and everything looks perfect. they scanned all of her major organs and measured her growth and everything appears exactly as it should. i cannot express my gratitude to the Lord and also my happiness!

S T A T S :

baby: she is the size of a banana {?}...or 13 oz according to my ultrasound tech. this week, she's putting on "brown fat" which surrounds and protects her organs.

weight gain: fifteen lbs {eeeek}. i went so long without gaining much, but this last month has been...what shall we call it...a period of "growth." BUT they weighed me at the doctor's office with my boots and jacket on after breakfast...and I swear their scale is possessed by the devil. so, that makes me feel better. in all seriousness, doc is happy with where i'm at. I'm eating healthily and working out  3 + / - days per week {i could definitely be working out more}, so I'm just letting my bod do what it wants. my wedding rings still fit and that's all that matters. heh.

sleep: ugh, horrible. i've always been a good sleeper, but come the hours between 2-5am...i just lay there. wide. awake. then i'm too tired to get up at 6, so i end up sleeping until 7 or 8. so depressing. and boring. thank goodness i'm not commuting. next question.

feeling: this week was rough. my body is getting to be the biggest it's ever stretched...and i've only just begun. my poor cute organs are moving to places they've never been. my bladder is getting constantly kicked by two cute little feet. this all equals constant pulling + stretching + cramping sensations. i get shooting pains if i cough or get up too fast. so bizarre. people who say pregnancy doesn't hurt are liars. but let me tell you, when i saw my little sunshine's face in my ultrasound today, it made all the poopy days worth it. 

also, i'm suuuuper emotional. last night on the phone with jack, i was laughing so hard at something, i had tears streaming down my face. and then i realized, "i might actually be crying right now. i don't even know." and then i started laughing again. or was i already laughing? 

maternity clothes: yiiiip. i can still fit into almost everything except my jeans & workout pants. my poor middle is too thick. if my face wore clothes, they would be in maternity. it's way rounder than usual.

favorite moments of the week:

1. anatomy scan. my dad & di got to come with me, which was sooo wonderful. with jack being gone, these huge milestone appointments are filled with anxiety for me. i need to be prepared to hear the worst and the best, and it was amazing to have my people there with me to help keep my mind off all the possible scenarios before hearing the outcome.

{on my way to my anatomy scan this morning!}

2. talking with jack about his denver externship. he's staying in his 3rd year resident's house for the month and he's loving it. they have so many fun animals filling their property. i mean, how cute is this of him and their chicken?! 

3. i ordered nursery furniture!!! 

this is our crib. it's hard to tell from the picture, but it's a beautiful off-white, creamy gray color. rustic and modern....perfect for "her" woodland chic nursery!

...and we ordered the short dresser here that can also be used as the changing table...and this is the crib converted to a toddler bed {for later on}. then the conversion kit {not yet available, ugh} will allow this bed to also become a full sized bed! it is the heidi klum truly scrumptious mist collection from babies r us. since i went into the store, the girl ordering it for me gave me 40% off one piece and 35% off the other! and they are delivering it to my house! the crib will probably be put aside until jack can build it when he gets home in january, but still happy i found something affordable that i like that is in stock and in budget. i have learned that any cute, reasonably priced nursery furniture flies off the shelves like hot cakes...so if you like something, you best order it. now. check that off the list! yay!! 

4. fall. it finally feels cold and cozy enough to build a fire here at night. this is the first time the kitties have ever had a fireplace. it's been hilarious watching them enjoy it. 

 i think it's safe to say sushi will never live in a place without her own fireplace ever again.

miso is still learning not to be totally terrified of it. now instead of running under the bed as soon as i open the glass, he will watch from the couch or by sush's side. he's learned that it's warm... and it's not going to eat him.

literally sush just stays here for hours. so cozy.

ok, this turned into sort of a long post. so much happening this week!

16 weeks.

4 month bumpdate:

i'm feeling fabulous,

never been so happy to be gaining weight and outgrowing all my clothes.

i just had my 16 week checkup with the dr. i have gained 4.5 pounds and dr is very happy with that. 

{hahaha more like 7 by my calculations, but thank you for the generous running start, doc}

they took 90 vials of blood for genetic testing and other stuff and we get the results on monday. by 90 i mean five, but they used two arms. if there are no increased markers for trisomies or cystic fibrosis, no further testing will be required until i have my anatomy scan at 20 weeks! 

other fun things:

craving: nothing. fruit? is that a thing? i actually googled "pregnant, no appetite" very strange. don't get me wrong, i'm eating. but i eat because i start to feel off or it's time to...not because something sounds amazing. looking forward to that changing soon.

maternity clothes: i'm in the preggo pants and bras already. the bella band or rubber band things never worked for me because i have a booty and my pants won't stay up unzipped/unbuttoned. bummer. but the first time i caved and put on a pair of maternity leggings i swear i heard angels singing. i can still wear my longer normal shirts. so it's all good. also, black is my best friend.

anything making you queasy? my neighbors' cigarettes. sick. oh, and the smell of the refrigerator and pantry. i don't care how much i bleach and clean, it's the grossest smell in the world. thank the lord for my pumpkin spice plug in in the kitchen. i looove the smell of kitty paws and fall {nothing new there haha}.

miss anything? i miss happy hour tapas with my husband and drinking really good wine with friends and family. i feel like a horrible person for saying that. i also miss jack in general, but thankful for technology {facetime & gchat & airmiles!}, family, and friends to make these five long months go down a little easier. i know y'all are tired of hearing it, but med school requires sacrifice, and i've learned that sometimes i need to choose the lesser evil and be happy with it. so, i'd wayyyy rather have him gone now and have him back for the last few months of this pregnancy & beyond.

sleep: i lay awake forever from like 3-5am for no reason at all.

best moment of the week: hearing baby's heartbeat on the doppler at the dr's office...and visiting my hubby in miami on friday!


{hiking in sun valley idaho with my dad & diana}

{i'm tryyyying to be good about working out. some days are easier than others.}

{my handsome, pre surgery in rhode island. now he's in miami. so proud of his hard work.}

{the 360* muffin top that made me cave and buy maternity pants. not cute.}

love your eyeballs | contact lenses 101.

my career in accounting has pretty much left me blind. 

...but wearing glasses {on most occasions} makes me feel like i'm in my pajamas. 

don't get me wrong, i love a good statement frame, but to me, glasses are definitely a look. 

and it's all about how we feel in them, right? so, whether you feel like they totally extinguish the sessy of your lbd, or you can't stand how they fog up in spin class, clearly glasses are not for every occasion. 

how do we remedy this horrific first world problem? 

with contacts, of course.

my girlfriend rachel recently got her first pair of soft contacts and had no idea where to start in how to make them work. thinking back to my initial experience with these babies, i remember dry eyes. fighting the constant urge to rip my eyeballs out of my head. starting every morning out feeling like someone replaced my eyelids with sandpaper during the night. likewise, she was ready to throw in the towel and accept that she just "wasn't a contact person."  if you have had an experience like this in the past, 

please don't give up!

after a ton of trial and error {and finally the advice of a good eye doctor}, i think i found the golden trio of drugstore items. i promise, with the right regimen you can  happily wear contacts, too. 

1. start with the best contact solution:

opti-free puremoist disinfecting solution.

yes, it's the most expensive, and yes, it's worth it. 

it's like slippery liquid gel for your eyeballs.

2. use contact-friendly eye drops during the day:

blink eye drops for contact lenses

drop in while wearing your contacts as needed. especially bring when wine tasting {zin totally dries out my eyeballs}.

3. before bed, use good quality regular eye drops:

systane ultra lubricant eye drops

drop a few of these guys in each eye after taking out your contacts for the night. soooo good.

let me know if this changed your life!!

snacks with benefits.

| recipe for brussels fries here |

...complete this snack by pairing your faux fries with lite cayenne lemonade: omgosh. it's pretty simple. 

    

mix in a mason jar {yes, the mason jar matters because it's super darling}:

• 3 oz trader joe's low calorie lemonade, chilled 
• 2 dashes cayenne pepper
• top off the jar with chilled filtered water {add a few ice cubes, optional}

|tj's low calorie lemonade is made with organic lemon juice & no preservatives, sweetened with cane sugar & stevia. in moderation, what a great alternative to chemical laden pop & sugary juice. your cute little organs are already thanking you.|

cayenne pepper is one of those often forgotten natural food kickers that is packed with health benefits. not only are you getting vitamins a, e, b6, c & k, it also has a high concentration of capsicum |a substance that reduces internal inflammation, is a natural pain reducer, ulcer preventative, congestion reliever, and a heart-healthy metabolism booster {ahem, weight loss}; it's also being studied for its effect on nerve fiber disorders for people with pain associated with arthritis, psoriasis, and diabetic neuropathy {numb feet}|.

sip. 

enjoy your cool bev with a refreshing spicy-tart kick...not to mention the awesome health benefits of the cayenne & lemon {...and more about my love affair with lemons here}.