Okay. So, I'M not in medical school, but being a wife of someone in medical school is freaking hard, too.
I haven't used my "rant card" yet. Time to be totally brutally honest. I don't want to come off as a complainer or a negative person, but I am only human and am in need an outlet. I can't be an amazing, upbeat, superwoman all the time. {Gasps from afar} I'm sorry to let you down, folks. I promise, this will be the only negative post that I put up here.{Actually, that is a bold faced lie. This place is somewhere for me to be straight-forward and share our happenings...currently, this is my happening.}
And just be warned: Do not continue to read if you were hoping to hear how fabulous life is.
Jack is well into his second year. My beloved fellow med school wives here were not kidding when they said this year would be the worst. Well, it is THE worst {so far}. I never imagined that life would be like THIS. Yes, I know it is going to be worth it. I know what it means to work hard. Sometimes I feel more overwhelmed than other times {like this morning}, and I get tired. And freak out...and I can't help but come to the conclusion that working hard ALL the time is just, well, hard.
Life right now during the week goes a little something like this: Katelyn wakes up, makes lunches for both of us (because of my new budget obsession). Says bye to Jack for 0.2 minutes. Gets on bus. Commutes for one hour into the city. Walks uphill for one mile to office. Works 8-10 hours. Walks uphill back to bus {barefoot, in the SNOW--that was a bit of comic relief for you there...HAHA! I'm sooo funny! ...it's really down hill}. Commutes one hour home from the city. Says hi to Jack for 0.5 minutes. Checks his pulse. Makes dinner. Goes to bed. Jack is studying until wee hours of the morning. Get up, repeat until Friday.
Weekends consist of: Katelyn drinks coffee with cats. Goes to grocery store. Watches Jack study. Does laundry. Talks to cats. Thank you God, for these cats. I think I'm going crazy.
Repeat weekday routine until Friday. Repeat weekend routine until Monday. See a pattern here? This has been happening for two years.
I think the hardest thing is to be away from family and friends. We do have a lovely group of friends here. It is hard to get together because we are all so busy and are on different schedules, and I know that most of the other wives are going through something similar to what I'm going through: maintaining life for themselves and another human being {or two!} in a strange, unfamiliar place with little network of support. We are all facing difficult challenges and every one of them are strong, beautiful, inspirational women.
I know what you are thinking..."WAH, why doesn't this broad go make some damn friends? What a pity party!!" I would go find a hobby or something, but I actually want to be home when I can. I do try and keep busy. I work full time, tutor in my spare time, go to the gym {...I should go MORE}, take pictures, love to cook, etc. However, I feel like Jack needs me here when he is studying. I have a feeling that he is just as lonely and tired as I am--actually more so. It is a weird dynamic. Must be because I love the hell out of him and I would rather be staring at him, making sure he has what he needs to get us through this time in our lives than doing anything else. Is that unhealthy? Or am I just disgustingly in love?
I get it, I do have quite a bit to be thankful for: We are both healthy. Yay. We both have the opportunity to be here. Yay. Neither of our lives are in danger. Yay. Jack is doing great in school. YAY. I have a job and an income. Yay. We are not one million miles from family {but may as well be with the amount of things we miss out on}. Yay?
But: having a phantom husband and spending most of my free time with my cats or on a bus commuting to the city still mostly freakin blows. Wah.
Here's to medical school ONE day being over. I mean, residency. I mean fellowship. I mean boards.
Let's try and spin this in a positive direction:
Here's to this whole utopia ONE DAY being over before we are both dead.
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